Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
