How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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