I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
