but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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