why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
