Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
