im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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