I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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