Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
