we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
