matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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