Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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