it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
