i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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