I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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