I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just pee around me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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