he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
