I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
