i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
