you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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