phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
