Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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