i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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