My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
