So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
