i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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