You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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