I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
