My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
