people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
