I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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