I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
