But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
