i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
