I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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