maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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