if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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