Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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