I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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