His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
