im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My legs feel like baby dolphins
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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