its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
