i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
