i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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