My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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