Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
