You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
