If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
