I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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