I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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