I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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