i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
