just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
